This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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