He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
