u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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