Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
