He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
