Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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