And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize