i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
