I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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