i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
