hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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