I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
