i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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