i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
