check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
