My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
