I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
