a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
