I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
