I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
