i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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