I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
