i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
