he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
