..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Please, let me fuck your mom
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
