Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
