3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
