Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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