i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
