We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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