he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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