This is not my ceiling
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
