I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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