we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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