His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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