that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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