somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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