I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize