we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
