Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
