ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
