If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
