Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When did angry sex become our thing?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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