I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
