Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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