Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
