I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
