some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
