What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
