Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
