I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
