Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize