I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
