And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
