tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
farters have to be the big spoon...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
