Dual....:-)
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do vagina's smell?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
