you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
