at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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