I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
