I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
