we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize