Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
