Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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