I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
