took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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