hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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