at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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